Broken in Barcelona (Honeymoon Reflections)

When you hear the word honeymoon, your mind may float towards images of romantic sunsets, bottles of champagne, and tropical destinations. However, when my husband and I got married this past summer, we had a less glamorous element to consider, my mobility. Over my bachelorette weekend in May, I had gone on a whitewater rafting trip with my friends and badly injured my hip. My chronic health condition, hypermobile EDS causes my joints to be overly flexible and my connective tissue to be unstable. So when we went over a big wave, my hip popped out of place a little bit and my hip labrum tore. I felt fine for about 24 hours after the trip, but then a gradual ache turned into excruciating pain that would take months to recover from.

Now you might be wondering why someone who is so injury prone would choose to go whitewater rafting in the first place. Ironically, I thought this was going to be one of the safer adventures I could partake in. Chronic pain in my feet had eliminated the opportunity to go hiking or do other activities that involved a lot of standing and walking. As an adventure seeker and nature lover at heart, I naturally shifted towards options that kept me off of my feet. I had been whitewater rafting a number of times in the past with no issues and I loved being out on the James River whenever I had the chance. Whitewater rafting seemed like the perfect way to enjoy an outdoor adventure. But for whatever reason, perhaps the rapids were more intense that day than previous times, my body sustained an injury.  I was suddenly back to levels of pain so high that aleve and tylenol, my normal go-tos were not helping. It hurt to walk and it was almost impossible to bend down and pick anything up off the ground when trying to keep my house clean. Staircases became insurmountable mountains. I bought a hip brace, compression shorts, and a cane trying desperately to find ways to get by in the days and weeks that followed. But on top of it all, I had my wedding and honeymoon coming up in less than two months.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I worried about if and how I would be able to do the first dance with my husband or the father-daughter dance with my dad. I worried about how I would be able to enjoy the day when I was in so much pain and I worried about how I would be able to get around on our honeymoon. We were extremely privileged to have the opportunity to go on an international trip for post-nuptial vacation. The plan was to fly to Barcelona, hop on a cruise ship that would take us to ports in Italy, France, and Spain, and then return for a few more days in Barcelona before driving home. But how would I be able to do all that with the amount of pain I was in and with my mobility so limited?

Thankfully, I had thought ahead about my waxing and waning mobility and had already asked for wheelchair assistance in the airport. We had also chosen to only book activities that were marked mild in activity level with limited walking required, probably geared towards older cruisers. When I hurt my hip however, I also chose to rent a mobility scooter for the cruise, which I was delighted to find out was something you could do. There was a company that partnered with the cruise line to rent mobility devices like wheelchairs and scooters. The scooter was waiting for us in the cruise cabin when we arrived. 

For many times in the past five years, I’ve struggled with whether or not to identify as disabled. My issues often put me in a very “in-between” space where I have the physical capability to walk, but pain limits the distance, speed, and types of terrain my body can handle. From the outside, I look healthy. I don’t have any outwardly visible differences in the way my body looks. So trying to explain to people the high levels of pain I have experienced and the limits on my mobility has been complicated. On my honeymoon, I had two very different experiences with people’s reactions towards me needing to use a mobility device. 

When it came time to board the cruise ship, I requested transport wheelchair service. Since I didn’t come with my own full-time wheelchair, I needed help to get up the long winding ramp into the ship. Thankfully most airports and cruises will offer to wheel you up on a transport chair to help with situations like mine. My husband and I waited in the designated waiting area for someone to come assist us. A younger woman came out and asked us “who needs the wheelchair?” and I timidly raised my hand. “It’s me”, I said. The woman looked me up and down and rolled her eyes as if to say “Seriously? You?”. It was a look that was obvious enough that even my husband noticed it. Internally, I crumbled.  It had been hard enough reimagining my honeymoon with mobility devices as part of the picture, but to have someone judge me for needing to use them devastated me. In spite of this uncomfortable interaction, this woman was the only way I could safely get onto the boat, so I let her begrudgingly push me up the ramp. As soon as we got onto the boat, I let the tears flow down my face. My sweet husband was nothing but supportive and we tried our best to put the incident behind us. The rest of the trip was lovely; I used the mobility scooter I had rented when I needed it, but I was actually able to participate in all of the excursions we had planned without needing to take it off the boat. It had been a month and a half since the whitewater rafting accident and although I was still in some pain, things were getting better. I was grateful.

 At the end of the trip, I had a very different experience requesting wheelchair assistance. As we prepared to head home, we had to navigate through the huge Barcelona airport one last time. As I had done in the other airports throughout the trip, I requested wheelchair assistance to get me to the gate. The experience was easy, judgement free, and I felt respected by all of the Barcelona airport staff that we interacted with. First, there was a clearly marked waiting area for people requiring mobility assistance. We were able to head there right away and get checked in. The signage was bright and welcoming, “AENA Sin Barreras “, which translates to “AENA (the name of the airport) Without Barriers”. I appreciated that the focus was on removing barriers to people accessing air travel. The whole attitude of the place demonstrated respect and treating folks with disabilities as just as entitled to be able to enjoy air travel as non-disabled folks. There were a variety of people being helped and there was even another woman who, like me, could stand up and walk, but must have had some issues with being able to walk through the whole airport. Nobody questioned either of us. There was even a system of golf-cart-like trams used to transport groups of people to different parts of the airport. I felt supported, respected, and not ashamed of my need to utilize the service. It was a redemptive experience after the not-so-great experience of getting on the cruise. 

These two different experiences really made an impression on me. From the judgmental worker who wheeled me on the cruise, I learned that we still have a long way to go in educating the public on dynamic disabilities. A dynamic disability is one in which your capacity to do different physical activities may change from day to day. It’s crazy to me that people still assume that if someone is using a wheelchair, they must be paralyzed. Throughout my journey with a chronic health condition, I have learned that there are many other people out there who, like me, can stand and walk, but are limited in how far they can get due to pain or other health concerns. If I never used mobility devices, there would have been so many experiences I would have missed out on, flights I never could have taken, and things I never could have seen. We really need to take away the taboo of using mobility devices and stop assuming that there is a certain stereotype of a person who needs them. Mobility devices can make life so much better and allow us to experience so much more of the world than if we were to just sit at home because of our inability to walk certain distances. The amazing service I received in the Barcelona airport was an example to me of how we might improve as a society in removing barriers that prevent people with disabilities from being able to participate. 

Today, I am finding myself in a season of lower pain and improved mobility. I thank God for every day that I am able to walk without pain. After so many difficult years, I never thought I would achieve the level of mobility that I have today. However, my experiences with loss of mobility as a younger person have taught me so much. With my EDS, I just never know when the next injury or flare up will come. But rather than living in fear, I am learning to live in gratitude, treasuring each moment without pain and all the things that my body is able to do. I have learned that life  will often surprise you with both unexpected blessings and unforeseen challenges. Nothing is guaranteed, but the presence of God with us through it all. My honeymoon looked a bit different than I had anticipated it would, but it was still wonderful and I will treasure the memories we made on that trip for many years to come.